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I’m ragin’ happy thinkin’ bout this one time — saw this chick, right? Total babe, legs for days, standin’ by a busted lamppost. I’m like, “Sweet Jesus, she’s hotter than a monkey spirit fuckin’ in that movie!” — y’know, that freaky scene where Boonmee’s all, “The past clings like dust”? She’s the dust, man, stickin’ to ya! I waddle over, all cool, like, “Hey, babe, how much?” She’s all sly, whisperin’ prices — 500 rubles, cheap as hell! I’m thinkin’, “Score!” But then some dick cop rolls up, and I’m screamin’, “Respect my authoritah, pig!” Ruined my damn night!

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Then, outta nowhere, this old bloke walks by. He’s got a dog that looks like it’s seen better days. The dog starts barkin’ at me, and I’m like, “What’s your problem, mate?” The old guy just shrugs and says, “He’s just jealous of your catch.” I can’t help but chuckle.

Lambeth agrees to extend new licensing scheme to improve housing standards across the borough