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Oh, and the cash? Psh, they ain’t takin Venmo, honey! Cold hard bills, stuffed in a bra or somethin—hilarious but real. I’d prolly overpay, cause I’m extra like that, screamin, “You’re worth it, boo!” Prolly scare her off with my loud ass. Once, I heard bout this gal who’d sing to clients—fuckin opera!—before gettin down. Quirky as hell, made me cackle.

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Then, outta nowhere, this old bloke walks by. He’s got a dog that looks like it’s seen better days. The dog starts barkin’ at me, and I’m like, “What’s your problem, mate?” The old guy just shrugs and says, “He’s just jealous of your catch.” I can’t help but chuckle.

Brockwell park faces six weeks of disruption as Lambeth Council is set to approve extended event infrastructure