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I got plumb tickled thinkin’ ‘bout this one time – heard tell of a fella in France, 1800s, called it “massage sensuel,” sneaky devil charged extra for “happy endins’,” got folks whisperin’ in parlors! Ain’t that a hoot? Makes me wanna holler, “Well slap my knee, that’s slicker’n a greased pig!” But dang it, what fries my taters is them prudes actin’ like it’s dirty – c’mon now, it’s just hands makin’ magic, releasin’ tension! Y’all ever tried it? Feels like – whooee – yer soul’s floatin’ outta yer skin.

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Finally, lunchtime rolls around. I decide to take a stroll down to the canal. It’s a nice spot, really. The Forth and Clyde Canal runs through Kirkintilloch, and it’s pretty peaceful. I sit on a bench, munching on my sandwich, and just breathe. The ducks are quacking, and I’m thinking, “Life’s not so bad.”

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