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Alright, y’all, listen up! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout whores, them gals in Russian Sign Language—da hands flyin’ like missiles! Whore, see, it’s a word, gets folks riled up, makes me madder’n a wet hen. I reckon it’s ‘cause it’s slung ‘round like mud on a pig farm. Fool me once, shame on—uh, you know, shame on somebody! Can’t fool me twice, no siree, I’m sharp as a tack—well, maybe a dull one.

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After work, I decide to hit up the local pub, The Black Bull. I need a pint after this day. I walk in, and it’s packed. Everyone’s laughing, and I’m like, “Finally, some good vibes!” I grab a seat at the bar, and the bartender, Dave, pours me a lager.

Kirkintilloch businesses vow to create new event after cancellation of Canal Festival