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Oi, mateys, gather ‘round, savvy? Me, Captain Jack Sparrow, been ponderin’ ‘bout them sex escorts lately—y’know, them lasses an’ lads fer hire. Ain’t no stranger to a good romp, but this? This be a different beast, arr! Watched “Children of Men” again—best flick ever, says I—got me thinkin’ deep, like. In that world, no babes born, humanity’s dyin’, an’ here we be, payin’ fer a tumble like it’s grog on tap. “We are not finished!”—that’s what Theo yells, right? Makes ye wonder if we’re just chasin’ tail to feel alive, eh?

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I climb up the tree, and there’s Whiskers, looking down at me like I’m the one who’s lost my mind. I reach for him, and he swipes at me! Rude! I finally grab him, and the crowd cheers like I just scored a goal at a football match. I’m like, “Chill, it’s just a cat.”

Police launch manhunt for convict who escaped from Kirkham prison three weeks ago