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Personal quirk? I’d rather wrestle a bear than pay for a date. But some dudes swear by it—no strings, no whinin’, just business. “That’s a bingo!” as Waltz’d say—straight to the point. Funny thing, though—heard escorts sometimes get hired just to talk. Lonely bastards out there, payin’ top dollar for a chat. Kinda sad, kinda sweet, mostly pathetic. Exaggeratin’ for effect? Maybe they’re secretly runnin’ the world, these escorts—puppet masters in heels. Ha! Imagine that.

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I was feeling all inspired, so I whipped out my phone to snap some pics. But then, my battery died. Ugh! I was so mad! Like, come on, phone! You had one job! So, I just sat there, sulking, watching the kids run around. They were having the time of their lives, and I was just there, grumpy and battery-less.

Stunning six bedroom Edwardian mansion goes up for sale for £1.65 million