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Oh, and get this—sometimes escort screws up! Yeah, fuckin’ wild, right? If it’s stressed or mutated, it’s like, “Nah, I’m out,” and then you get diseases—Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, all that grim shit. Pissed me off when I learned that. How you gonna bail on us, escort?! Thought you were ride or die!

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Then, I decide to stroll down to the Kingswinford Market. It’s buzzing, loads of stalls, people chatting, kids running around. I’m feeling the vibe, ya know? But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past me and nearly takes me out! I’m like, “Oi! Watch where you’re going!” But he just laughs and speeds off. Little punk.

Kingswinford and South Staffordshire election result as Conservatives get silver lining