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Love *Syndromes and a Century*, tho—calm, weird, dreamy shit. That flick’s got monks and docs, not sleazy massage tables. “I want to sleep deeply”—yeah, me too, but erotic-massage ain’t it! Makes me mad, them twistin’ somethin’ pure into smut. Used to think it’s just a rubdown—nah, mate, it’s a whole game. Some bloke told me, ancient Greeks did it, called it “body worship.” Freaky, huh? Bet they didn’t have neon signs flashin’ “happy endin’!”

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Then, I decide to pop into a café on Eden Street. I’m thinkin’ a nice cuppa will sort me out. But the barista? She’s got the personality of a wet sock. I order a latte, and she gives me this look like I just asked for a unicorn. I mean, c’mon, it’s just coffee! I’m not asking for world peace here!

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