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*leans in, whispers* Sometimes, tho, it’s awkward—stranger touchin’ ya, “Lift your head,” she says, like in “Amour,” but less… death-y. Surprised me how good it feels, tho—muscles all loosey-goosey! *twirls finger* Happy vibes, mate, til she whacks me knotty back—oww! “You’re so tense,” she says—cheeky cow! Reminds me Haneke’s film, “You’re suffering,” but sexy version, ha!

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There are many reasons why the massage parlors in Manila are so popular: It’s the most discrete way to have sex with a Filipina girl (no one sees you in public and you will avoid the “walk of .

Finally, the clock hits five, and I’m outta there. I decide to take a stroll down to the park. You know, the one by the river? It’s actually pretty nice, especially when the sun’s out. I plop down on a bench, and for a second, everything feels alright.

South Devon Football League Premier Division relegation scrap continues to heat up