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About Liverpool

The movie again, that scene where they’re by the river, all slow and dreamy—I bet if they had sexual-massage back then, Pocahontas and John Smith would’ve been all, “Let’s connect, baby!” But no, they just stared at each other, which, honestly, is less awkward. I’d rather stare awkwardly than have someone rub me down while I’m stressing about my cellulite.

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After that, I head over to the Kingsbridge Quay. It’s beautiful there, with the river and all. I needed a breather. But guess what? There’s a boat race happening! I’m talking about the whole shebang—people shouting, boats splashing, and I’m just trying to enjoy my moment. But no, I get roped into being the unofficial judge. “Hey, clergyman! You look wise!” Yeah, right. I’m just trying to figure out if I can get a pint after this.

Kingsbridge Primary School earns prestigious award for inclusion and awareness