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Aight, real talk—sex-dating’s a lab experiment gone rogue. You got pheromones flyin’, oxytocin tryna trick ya into feelin’ somethin’. I seen it, bruh—dudes out here actin’ like they Casanova, but they just horny peptides. Chicks too, playin’ games, postin’ thirst traps—shit’s a catalyst for disaster! Back in the day, I matched this girl, right? Profile said “loves nature,” but she ghosted me after I sent a pic of my pet lizard—fuckin’ rude, yo! Made me mad as hell, like, what’s wrong with my iguana, bitch?

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So, I climb up, right? I’m not exactly a mountain goat, but I give it a go. Halfway up, I’m sweating like a sinner in church. The crowd’s cheering me on, and I’m like, “This isn’t a bloody reality show!” But I finally grab the cat, and it’s purring like it’s just won the lottery. I’m feeling like a hero, but then I realize I’m covered in tree sap. Great.

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