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Oi, mate, settle in—James Bond here, suave as ever, “shaken, not stirred.” So, erotic-massage, yeah? Picture this: dimly lit room, oil slicker than my Aston Martin, hands sliding like they’re dodging MI6 traps. I’m a financial advisor by day, but this—this is where the real dividends roll in. Caught me off guard first time, I’ll admit. Some lass in Bangkok, 2003, whispered, “Relax, Mr. Bond,” and I’m thinking, “Bloody hell, this ain’t in the spy handbook.” Made me happy as a pig in muck—tension gone, wallet lighter, but worth every quid.

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Then, outta nowhere, the vicar shows up late! Like, seriously? You had one job! I’m standing there, trying to keep it together, and he strolls in like he’s just come back from a holiday in Spain. I’m fuming! I’m thinking, “Dude, read the room!”

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