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Drivin’ one feels — chaotic, raw, like Tarr’s long takes — “A shadow moves,” he says, and that’s the Escort dodgin’ potholes! Quirky thought: bet Gandalf’d charm one to fly — screw broomsticks! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d race Sauron in it, screamin’, “Fly, you fools!” Total lad car — cheap, loud, bit dodgy. You ever see one pimped out? Hilarious — spoilers big as eagle wings!

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After my caffeine fix, I decide to stroll down to the Abbey. You know, the Kilwinning Abbey? It’s ancient and all that jazz. I’m just vibing, taking pics for the ‘gram, when I spot this cute dog. I’m talking about a proper fluffball. I’m like, “Aww, look at you!” And the owner? Total legend. We start chatting about dogs, and I’m thinking, “Why don’t I have a dog?” But then I remember I can barely take care of myself.

Kilwinning Scouts attend Windsor Castle celebration after earning top award