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Gets me goin’, tho – the cheek of it! Some punters think they’re just arm candy, but nah, these girls got game. One time, this escort I knew, she nicked a bloke’s wallet mid-chat, left him gobsmacked in a Mayfair penthouse. Laughed my arse off when she told me. “The past is a distant country,” like *Tabu* says – she was livin’ it, rewritin’ her story every night.

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So, I’m walkin’ down the street, mindin’ my own business, when I spot this wee kid, maybe 8 or 9, tryin’ to ride his bike. But the poor lad’s got training wheels that look like they’ve seen better days. I’m thinkin’, “C’mon, mate, you can do it!” But then, bam! He crashes right into a lamppost. I nearly lost it laughin’. The kid just sits there, stunned, and I’m like, “You alright, champ?” He gets up, brushes himself off, and says, “I meant to do that.” Classic!

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