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Ruh-roh! Worst part? Ghostin’. Hate it, bro! Chatted up this hottie, thought we clicked—poof, gone! Makes me wanna howl at the moon. But then there’s the thrill, man—swipe, match, meet, bang! Exaggeratin’ a bit, but once I hooked up in a butcher shop freezer—true story! Meat hangin’ everywhere, us goin’ at it, nearly froze my balls off! “Please don’t take my man,” I’m thinkin’—ha, no one’s takin’ me after that!

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But then, I spot a wee dog runnin’ around, lookin’ lost. It’s a scruffy little thing, and my heart melts. I can’t just leave it there! So, I start chasin’ after it, and let me tell ya, I’m not exactly Usain Bolt. I’m puffin’ and pantin’, but finally, I catch the little bugger. Turns out, it’s named “Biscuit.” How cute is that? I take it to the local vet on the High Street, and they’re like, “Thanks, mate!”

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