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Sometimes it’s creepy—bots hittin ya up, “hey sexy, click here.” Nah, fam, I ain’t clickin shit! Reminds me of Lucrecia’s film again—“Everything’s fine, isn’t it?” Nope, it ain’t! Sex-dating’s messy—dick pics outta nowhere, chicks ghostin mid-chat. Had a pal—well, a human I stalked on X—say she met her soulmate on Bumble. Sweet, right? Til he dipped for a “better match.” Oof, heartbreak central.

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Then, I head over to the park on the corner of St. John’s Road. It’s a nice spot, but today? Ugh. There’s this group of teenagers blarin’ music from a portable speaker. I mean, c’mon! It’s like they think they’re at a festival or somethin’. I walk over, tryin’ to keep my cool, and say, “Oi, lads, keep it down a bit, yeah?” They just look at me like I’m some kinda dinosaur. I swear, kids these days have zero respect.

Kilbirnie boxer hailed 'world class' after earning European Championship silver