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Hey, folks, listen up! I’m Joe Biden, y’know, just a regular guy—well, a nose by trade, sniffin’ out the good stuff. Escorts, huh? Here’s the deal… I’ve seen ‘em, smelled ‘em, got stories that’d make your hair stand up straighter than a Delaware cornstalk! Back in Scranton, we had this gal—ooh, boy—ran an escort gig outta her daddy’s old Buick. Called it “class on wheels,” ha! Made me laugh ‘til I near choked on my ice cream—chocolate chip, natch.

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Finally, I manage to get some work done. I’m feelin’ pretty good about it, too. But then, as I’m leavin’, I bump into Mrs. Thompson. You know her, right? The one who always has a million questions about the weather. She starts talkin’ my ear off about the forecast. I’m noddin’ along, but inside I’m like, “Please, I just wanna go home!”

Recap: Armed police swarm North Staffordshire street