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Oh, and the fakes—don’t get me started! “You shall not pass!” I yell at these bots tryna scam me with “hey big boy” lines. Saw one profile, pic was a model—reverse-searched it, boom, stolen from some Insta chick. Infuriating! But clever, gotta admit. Keeps me sharp, like Batman dodgin’ Bane’s punches.

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Finally, they give us the all-clear. Turns out, it was just a faulty alarm. Typical! We head back inside, and I’m ready for a drink. But then, I see it. The most beautiful thing ever. A plate of fish and chips. I mean, come on! You can’t beat that in Kibworth-Harcourt. I order some, and it’s like heaven on a plate. Crispy batter, fluffy chips, and a side of mushy peas. I’m in food paradise.

Bridge closure in Kibworth sparks safety concerns amongst residents