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Yo, it’s bad bitch o’clock! Talkin’ sex escorts, let’s get real. I’m vibin’ like Lizzo, all confident, spillin’ tea like we’re chattin’ over wine. Sex work? It’s old as dirt, fam. Like, ancient Rome had courtesans flexin’ power moves. Blows my mind! Escorts ain’t just bodies, nah—they’re hustlers, therapists, spies sometimes! Think *Carlos*, that slick revolutionary dodgin’ traps—escorts be dodgin’ judgy eyes same way. “I’m not a prostitute,” one told me, “I’m a vibe curator!” Deadass, I cackled.

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Then, I hear this commotion. Turns out, some bloke’s tryin’ to park his car on Kew Road, and he’s totally clueless. He’s goin’ back and forth, and I’m standin’ there, laughin’ my head off. “Mate, it’s not a game of Tetris!” I shout. He looks at me like I’m the mad one.

Network Rail investigating cracks in Kew Railway Bridge