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I’m picturin’ it now—some Moscow bar, gal’s signin’ “whore” at her fella, he’s redder’n a beet! Makes me happy, seein’ folks get real. Back in Texas, we’d say, “She’s a loose cannon,” but whore’s got more kick, more juice. Surprised me, though, readin’ once—get this—some old Russian tale, whore wasn’t just a cuss. Nope, meant a gal who tricked taxmen, hid vodka in her skirts! Ain’t that a hoot? History’s wilder’n a rodeo.

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into me mate Dave. He’s all excited, talkin’ about some new café on Kew Road. “You gotta try it, mate! They do the best flat whites!” I’m like, “Dave, I’m a charcoal burner, not a bloody barista!” But he’s persistent, so I promise to check it out later.

Coastal town’s 35-year-old weather record is broken