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So, picture this: my buddy Dave, total moron, had an Escort, ‘92 model. Swore it was “pimpin.” Lies! Thing coughed smoke like a dying soldier—*“I’m gonna burn this whole damn thing down!”*—and the clutch? Shot to shit. Drove me nuts! Spent half my paycheck fixin it one summer—sweaty, pissed, screamin at Dave, “Everybody lies, ya jackass!” He’d grin, sayin it’d “pull chicks.” Yeah, right—only thing it pulled was my last nerve.

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Then, I spot this old bloke on the corner of Gold Street. He’s got a sign that says “Free Hugs.” I’m like, “What the heck?” But then, I see a line forming. People are actually hugging him! I’m dying of laughter. So, I join in. I mean, who doesn’t need a hug, right?

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