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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here babysittin’ ya, talkin’ bout somethin’ wild: escort! Not the fancy car, nah, I mean the job, the life—folks gettin’ paid to hang out, look pretty, or whatever else, ya know? Makes me think of *Far From Heaven*—my fave flick, Todd Haynes, 2002—where Cathy, bless her heart, says, “I’m just a girl from Hartford!” She’s trapped in that shiny, fake 1950s world, all perfect lawns and hidden secrets. Escorts? Kinda the same vibe—shiny on the outside, messy underneath!

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So, I’m walking back home, and I decide to take a detour through Kenley Common. It’s beautiful, man. Trees everywhere, and the sun’s shining. I’m feeling all zen until I see this kid flying a kite. And not just any kite—a massive dragon kite. I’m like, “Dude, that’s epic!” But then, the wind picks up, and the kid loses control. The kite goes straight for this old lady. I’m like, “Oh no, not the grandma!”

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