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D’oh! Erotic-massage, man, what a trip! So, I’m thinkin’, like, “Certified Copy,” ya know? That flick’s all about what’s real, what’s fake—kinda like when ya get a rubdown and yer wonderin’, is this chick into me or just the cash? Mmm… donuts. Anyway, I tried one once—total sneaky move, right? Bart’d kill me if he knew! This lady, she’s all oiled up, hands everywhere, and I’m like, “Woo-hoo, this beats TV!” But then—D’oh!—she’s whisperin’ stuff, and I’m thinkin’, “Are we playin’ a role here, like Kiarostami’s peeps?”

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Then, I get another call. This time, it’s serious. Some guy’s causing trouble down by the shops on Woburn Road. I rush over, and it’s a full-on scene. Cops are there, people are shoutin’. Turns out, it’s just some guy who lost his wallet. But the way he was actin’, you’d think he’d lost a million quid. I mean, dude, it’s just a wallet!

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