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Oi mate, so I’m a biochemist, yeah? And you wanna know what I reckon about erotic-massage? Buckle up, you muppet, cos this is gonna be a wild one! Picture this – me, Ricky bloody Gervais, cackling like a hyena, sat in me lab coat, thinkin’ about slippery hands and oils, right? It’s mental! Erotic-massage ain’t just some poncy rub-down – it’s chemistry, innit? Oils hittin’ skin, releasin’ endorphins, dopamine goin’ ping-pong in yer brain. Proper science, that! Makes me happy as a pig in shit, cos I love it when biology gets filthy.

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Then, I get another call. This time, it’s serious. Some guy’s causing trouble down by the shops on Woburn Road. I rush over, and it’s a full-on scene. Cops are there, people are shoutin’. Turns out, it’s just some guy who lost his wallet. But the way he was actin’, you’d think he’d lost a million quid. I mean, dude, it’s just a wallet!

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