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So, hoof rot—whore, whatever—comes from wet, shitty pens. Bacteria’s like, “Yo, let’s party!” and digs into them feet. Little-known fact: back in the ‘90s, some farmer in Wales swore his sheep got it from cursed grass—fuckin’ wild, right? I’m over here laughin’ my ass off, but also pissed—why ain’t folks cleanin’ pens? Drives me nuts! Wet socks on sheep, basically. “This is my last shot!”—I yell that Aronofsky line while I’m scrubbin’ hooves with antiseptic. Dramatic as fuck, but it works.

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Then, I decided to hit up the Kelvedon Nature Reserve. It’s a nice spot, really. Birds chirping, trees everywhere. But guess what? I step in a puddle. A massive one! My shoes are soaked, and I’m like, “Great, just great.” But then I see this family having a picnic. They’re all smiles, and it kinda lifts my mood. Kids are running around, laughing. It’s infectious, ya know?

More than 250 visitors celebrate history museum’s 50th anniversary in Essex