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Growling, “You merely adopted the dark”—I see the grime, mate. People ghostin’, leavin’ ya hangin’ like a snapped string. Or worse—dick pics flyin’ like Carlos dodgin’ bullets, unasked for, bam! Makes me wanna smash my workbench. But then, there’s gold—met this couple once, sex-dating pros, invited me for a threesome. Said no—violin’s my mistress—but damn, they were smooth, “The fire rises” kinda confidence.

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Then I hit up the Kelso Abbey. Wow, just wow. The history! It’s like stepping back in time. I’m wandering around, and I can’t help but think about all the monks who used to chill there. I mean, what were they doing all day? Praying? Eating porridge? I’d be bored outta my mind.

Borders teenager showed ‘intimate’ photo of sleeping woman to friend, court told