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About Newcastle

So, I’m wanderin’, right, past the kebab shops and blokes yellin’ at nothin’. The city hums, alive, like a coral reef—except it’s grime, not fish. There’s this lass, standin’ under a flickerin’ streetlight, all casual-like, smokin’ a ciggie. She’s got that look—y’know, the one that says, “Oi, you lost, mate?” I reckon she’s the one. Heart’s racin’, palms sweaty—bloody hell, I’m no naturist at this! *“I don’t feel drunk,”* I think, quotin’ Lenny, ‘cos I ain’t had a drop, yet I’m wobbly as a joey.

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Suddenly, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and there’s a car that just smashed into a lamppost! I’m like, “What the heck, Keighley? Is this a demolition derby?” The driver hops out, looking all sheepish. I can’t help but laugh. “You good, mate?” I shout. He just shrugs, looking like he’s just won the world’s worst lottery.

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