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But the fakes? Christ, they piss me off! Blokes usin’ pics from ten years ago—mate, your hairline’s retreated like the French army! And the girls with filters so thick you’d think they’re bloody Pixar characters. Growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” I see through that crap—sniff it out like a hound. Did ya know some sickos use sex-dating apps to scam cash? True story—bloke in Leeds lost 500 quid to a “hot babe” who vanished. Gutted, I was, readin’ that.

Kearsley Escorts, BL4

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OMG, the place is packed! It’s like everyone in Kearsley decided to show up at once. I’m standing in line, and this kid in front of me drops his chocolate muffin. I’m thinking, “Oh no, not the muffin!” But the kid just shrugs and walks away. I’m like, “What is wrong with kids these days?”

Raft of new double yellow lines to deal with 'anti-social parking and driving'