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So, sex-dating – far out, man! It’s like the ’60s, free love, but with apps. Tinder, Bumble, all that jazz. Folks ain’t waitin’ for flowers no more – nah, they’re like, “Smashing, let’s shag!” I dig it, makes me happy, real mojo boost. But sometimes, ugh, it’s a drag – creeps ghostin’ ya, or catfish with fake pics. Pisses me off, man! Once saw a bloke say he’s 6’5”, turns up 5’2” – what a bummer, yeah?

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So, I’m a lumberjack, yeah? Spent the mornin’ choppin’ wood like a boss. But then, I had to head into town. Iver-Heath, man, it’s a small place, but it’s got its quirks. Like, you ever been down to the Iver Heath Golf Club? Nice greens, but I ain’t got time for golf. I’m all about the trees, ya know?

Iver Heath Co-op ram raided by 'gang with axes'