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Carpenter hands, they’re magic here—rough but gentle, y’know? Exaggeratin’ for fun: one massage, lasted three hours, she’s beggin’, I’m king! Total bullshit, but felt true. Little story: buddy tried it, slipped on oil, busted his ass—hilarious! Sexual-massage, it’s messy, wild, worth it. “The wind carries secrets,” Timbuktu says—mine’s this: don’t skimp, go deep, feel it. Peace out, horny padawans!

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Finally, the meeting wraps up, and I bolt outta there. I need fresh air. I stroll down to Camden Passage, and it’s buzzing. Vintage shops everywhere! I pop into one and find this ridiculous hat. It’s bright yellow with a giant feather. I put it on, and the shopkeeper laughs. “You look like a right muppet!” I’m like, “Exactly! That’s the point!” I buy it, obviously.

Leader’s New Year message: For a more equal Islington in 2025