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Here’s the kicker: she’s tellin’ me ‘bout this client—some weirdo wanted her to hum jazz while he cried. I’m dyin’ laughin’—what the hell? Surprised me, man, these stories are gold. I’m thinkin’, shit, maybe I’ll write a movie—*In the Mood for Hookers*. Wong Kar-wai’d hate it, but I’d watch it twice. Anyway, we seal the deal—cash swapped, vibes set. She’s got this walk, slow and sultry, like *“the past whispered back.”* I’m hooked, mate—angry it’s so quick, happy it’s so raw.

Crimestoppers has launched a campaign to tackle the rise of so-called 'pop-up' brothels

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Later, I met up with some friends at The Crown Inn. It’s a local pub, and let me tell ya, the vibe is always lit. We had a few pints, and I was feeling good. The banter was flowing, and I forgot all about the day’s chaos. We even tried some haggis. Not gonna lie, it was surprisingly tasty.

Belongings of murder victim preserved in peatbog for 250 years go on display