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Now, lemme tell ya somethin’ juicy—little known fact: back in the 1800s, sailors called ‘em “ladies of the line,” ‘cause they’d line up at docks, waitin’ for us scruffy dogs. Ain’t that wild? History’s got sass! Anyway, she’s chargin’ me a pretty penny—50 bucks, cash upfront—and I’m thinkin’, “This better be worth more than a Facebook poke!” I’m happy as a clam, but then—ugh!—this drunk jerk stumbles over, yellin’ at her, “You’re mine!” Made me so mad, I almost decked him. “Back off, loser!” I screech, nasal as hell, laugh bubblin’ up—HA-HA-HA!—like I’m on set with Mr. Sheffield.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, seriously? I thought we were done with that! I’m standing there, drenched, and Jamie’s laughing his head off. I’m like, “This is not funny, mate!” But I can’t help but laugh too. It’s just classic Scottish weather, right?

Images show devastation from Arran wildfire as more than 15,000 trees destroyed