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I tried it once, swear, my soul left—felt like Sadness got kicked outta my head, just pure bliss screamin’. This chick, right, she’s kneadin’ me, n’ I’m like—“Fear, where you at, buddy?”—gone! Hands slidin’, all sensual n’ slow—holy hell, it’s intimate, ya feel me? Not just some skanky rub-n-tug joint, nah, this is *art*. Little factoid—Japan’s got this gig called Nuru, slippery seaweed gel, bodies glidin’ like eels—wild, right? Made me giggle thinkin’—what if Anger popped up yellin’, “Too damn slimy!”

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First off, I hit up the local café on Bridgegate Street. You know, the one with the weirdly named pastries? I ordered a “Cranberry Crumble” or whatever. It sounded fancy, but it was just a muffin with a posh name. I was like, “C’mon, just call it what it is!” But hey, it was delish, so I can’t complain too much.

Irvine Welsh warning over possible new Trainspotting movie