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Oh, and get this - in sign language, it’s dead subtle. You do this little twist near yer chin. Looks like I’m strokin’ an invisible beard. Cracked me up first time I learned it. Thought, “What, that’s it? That’s the big bad whore?” Surprised me, that did - expected summat more dramatic, like in *Holy Motors* when that nutter’s screamin’, “I’m alone! I’m alone!” Whore’s got that lonely vibe too, don’t it? Sells her soul, gets nowt back.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Bridgegate Street. You know, the one with the weirdly named pastries? I ordered a “Cranberry Crumble” or whatever. It sounded fancy, but it was just a muffin with a posh name. I was like, “C’mon, just call it what it is!” But hey, it was delish, so I can’t complain too much.

Irvine Welsh to publish new sequel to Trainspotting