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But oh, it pissed me off sometimes! Rust ate it alive—fenders droppin’ like flies. And the seats? Stiff as a preacher’s collar! Drove one once, ‘92 model, felt like my ass was screamin’, “Let me outta here!” Still, I’d chuckle—Escort’s got charm, y’know? Like Céline sayin’, “Memory’s a wonderful thing if you don’t have to deal with the past”—this car’s a memory machine, creaky and flawed, but damn, it’s real.

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But then, mid-story, I see this kid in the front row. He’s got a face like he just bit into a lemon. I’m thinking, “What’s up with him?” Turns out, he’s bored outta his mind. I’m like, “C’mon, mate! I’m pouring my heart out here!” But I can’t let it get to me. I finish strong, and the crowd goes wild. I’m feeling like a rockstar!

Inverurie cook who ‘fell in love with frying’ at 19 is last Scot standing in chipper awards