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Oi mate, me, Mr. Bean, y’know, bumbling fool—hrrrmph—talkin’ bout sex escorts today! Ratcatcher, eh? Sniffin’ out dirty bits, hehe! So, sex escort, right—fancy ladies, or blokes, sellin’ a shag for cash. Wotcha think? Me, I’m all—oops!—trippin’ over me trousers just thinkin’ it! Watched “City of God” again last night—bloody brilliant, innit? That line, “You need more’n guts to be a good gangster,” pops in me head. Escorts, they got guts, mate! Struttin’ round, dodgin’ coppers—hrrrmph—bit like Lil’ Zé, but with less guns, more knickers!

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Then, bam! I trip over a cobblestone. Classic me, right? I’m sprawled out like a starfish, and this old lady just walks past, givin’ me the side-eye. Like, c’mon, lady! Help a cooper out! But nah, she’s too busy with her shopping bags from the Eastgate Centre. I get it, priorities, right?

UPDATE: Inverness supermarket re-opens after water damage