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What pisses me off? Liars. Dudes sayin’ they’re 6’2” when they’re 5’7”—bro, I’d zap ya with my ray gun! Catfishin’s the worst—like, why post a pic from 2010? Got me yellin’ “Fraud!” like I’m auditin’ claims. But yo, the hookup stories? Hilarious. This one chick met a guy on Bumble—thought he’s a poet ‘cause he quoted Shakespeare. Turns out, he’s a broke-ass waiter who Googled it. “Such extravagant courtesy!” I cackle, picturin’ Gustave clappin’ at the hustle.

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Then, outta nowhere, she pulls out this ancient ledger. I swear it looked older than the Forth Bridge! She’s flipping through it like it’s the Holy Grail of finance. I’m like, “What’s this, a history lesson?” She’s going on about her late husband’s “brilliant” stock picks from the 80s. I’m trying not to laugh. I mean, who invests in VHS tapes?

Major streetscape work begins in Inverkeithing town centre