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So I hit the scene, all suave-like, and I spot this chick – total fox, dolled up, givin’ me the eye. I’m thinkin’, “Are you human, or are you dancer?” – straight outta the movie, baby! I sidle up, flash my pearly whites, and say, “Fancy a shag, luv?” She’s all cool, says, “50 quid, big boy.” I’m like, WHOA, 50 quid?! That’s steeper than a mod’s haircut! Made me mad as a wet hen – I ain’t no square, but that’s daylight robbery!

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After that, I’m feeling peckish, so I hit up the local café on Ingleby Road. Best scones in town, no joke. I order one with jam and cream, and it’s heavenly. But then, the barista spills coffee all over the counter. I’m like, “Dude, what’s with today?”

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