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About Leicester

Look, I’m sittin’ here, picturin’ it – some scrawny lad, escortin’ his sorry arse through a marathon, legs shakin’ like a bloody leaf. Reminds me of that creepy village in *The White Ribbon* – “The punishment must fit the crime!” – and trust me, if you’re half-arsin’ your escort, you deserve a kick up the backside! Haneke’d get it – all that tension, silent screamin’, it’s the same vibe. Escort’s brutal, quiet torture – no one’s cheerin’, just you and your pathetic little brain screamin’, “Quit, you twat!” But you don’t, do ya? Cos you’re a stubborn git!

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First off, I hit up the High Street. You know, the main drag. It’s got that classic vibe, all quaint and stuff. I’m strollin’ along, just mindin’ my own biz, when I spot this old bloke, right? He’s tryin’ to feed the pigeons. But these birds? They’re like, “Nah, mate, we’re on a diet.” Hilarious! I’m crackin’ up, and the dude’s lookin’ all confused.

Ingatestone chip shop fire spread through extraction system