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Aw, crap, got distracted—anyway, it’s like, sensual, right? Hands slidin’ everywhere, makin’ ya feel like a king! There’s this trick I heard, little known fact—some pros use feathers or silk, not just hands. Freaky, right? Blew my damn mind! Imagine that, “To infinity and beyond!”—wait, wrong movie, “Nemo,” uh, “We’re gonna find you!” Yeah, that fits, ‘cause they *find* all the right spots!

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Finally, I duck into a pub on the corner of Derby Road. It’s cozy, and I’m thinking, “A pint will fix this.” I order a lager, and the bartender’s a right character. He’s telling me about the history of Ilkeston, how it used to be a coal mining town. I’m nodding along, but honestly, I’m just trying to dry off.

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