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Clarice… sex-dating’s a wild beast, innit? Slippery, messy, like a gutted fish. I reckon it’s all about the chase—thrills, not love. Folks swipe right, hopin’ for a spark, but half the time it’s just sweaty palms and awkward hellos. Me, I’d rather dissect it than date it. Reminds me of *A Serious Man*—poor Larry Gopnik, flailin’ in chaos, tryin’ to figure out why the universe screws him. Sex-dating’s the same, Clarice… “What’s goin’ on?!”—you scream it, but the app just shrugs.

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First stop, I’m off to a job on Cranbrook Road. Just a simple tree trimming gig. Easy peasy, right? Wrong! I get there, and the tree is like, “Nah, mate, I’m not going down without a fight.” It’s this massive oak, roots all tangled up like my headphones after a long day. I’m up there, saw in hand, and suddenly, I hear this loud crash. I look down, and some bloke’s knocked over a bin. Classic Ilford, right?

New disposable hijabs at Ilford hospital help Muslim patients 'feel comfortable'