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Growin it’s easy—sandy soil, sun, no fuss. But here’s the kicker—overwater it, and it’s mush, total diva meltdown. Reminds me of “come what may,” that dramatic love crap—escort’s needy but worth it. I’m obsessed, seriously, it’s my jam. Once saw this farmer, old dude, swore escort kept his goats frisky—swear to God, cracked me up! Prolly bullshit, but I’d buy it—adds character, ya know?

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We meet at the car park near the Hythe Green. I’m tryin’ to explain the basics of parallel parking, and she’s just staring at me like I’m speaking Martian. I mean, c’mon! It’s not rocket science! But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and steals her sandwich. I’m talkin’ full-on heist mode. Lucy screams, and I’m just standing there, laughing my head off. Like, “Dude, that bird’s got skills!”

Decision made on future of railway line after 20-year campaign