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Oi, listen up, fam! Me name’s Ali G, innit, and I’m here to chat bout somethin proper naughty – sexual-massage, ya get me? I’m buzzin to tell ya what I reckon, ‘cos this shit’s wild. Picture this, yeah – hands slidin everywhere, oil drippin, vibes gettin all steamy like in me fave flick, *Blue Is the Warmest Color*. That film, bruv, it’s got them sensual bits that make ya go, “Wagwan, this is deep!” Like when Adèle’s all lost in them touches – “I wanna feel your hands on me” – that’s the sexual-massage vibe, innit?

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Then, outta nowhere, my boss calls me into his office. I’m thinking, “Oh great, here we go.” But he’s actually in a good mood. He’s like, “You did good today.” I’m shocked. I mean, I thought I was gonna get fired! So, I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside.

Humberston Fitties holiday park to be sold by council