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Precious, listen up! We hates it! Escorts, ugh, slimy little business. Me thinks of “A History of Violence” – Tom Stall, he’s all quiet-like, yeah? Hiding his nasty past. Escorts got that vibe, sneaky, two-faced maybe. “I’m a good man,” Tom says, but nah, he ain’t. Escorts sell smiles, but what’s behind ‘em? We hates it! Tricksy folks, playin’ nice for gold.

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First off, I head down to the market on King Street. You know, the one with all the stalls? I’m there, trying to promote this new local coffee shop, Brewed Awakenings. I’m all hyped, handing out flyers like confetti. But then, bam! This old bloke trips over a loose cobblestone. I mean, come on, Huddersfield! Fix your streets! He’s fine, just a bit grumpy, but I’m like, “Dude, you okay?” He just grumbles something about the council. Classic.

Update: Attempted Murder Investigation, Bradley Road, Huddersfield