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Yo, what’s good, fam? I’m Eric Andre, your wild-ass mountain guide, here to spill the tea on this peak called Whore! Yeah, Whore, baby—straight up chaotic vibes! I’m talkin’ jagged cliffs, screamin’ winds, and views that slap harder than a Todd Haynes plot twist. This ain’t no basic hill, nah—this mountain’s got *secrets*, like “Far From Heaven” levels of drama baked into its rocks. “I’m living a lie!”—that’s Whore yellin’ at the sky, bro, all moody and extra.

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But then, I got a call. My mate, Tom, was in a bit of a pickle. He locked himself outta his flat on Barnsley Road. I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean, classic Tom, right? I told him to chill, I’d help him out after the auction.

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