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Sex-dating’s a battlefield, right? You got yer Tinder, yer Bumble—modern scalping grounds. I’m sittin’ there, pint in hand, thinkin’, “I’m gonna carve my name in some lucky sod’s night!” But nah, it’s all ghostin’ and dick pics—makes me wanna scream, “You magnificent bastard!” at the screen. Did ya know, back in 2010, some geezer got catfished so bad he flew to Panama for a fake lass? True story—bloke’s a legend, or a twat, depends how ya see it.

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First off, I hit up Market Street for brekkie. You know, the usual—bacon butty and a cuppa. But the café was packed! Like, who knew Hoylake had so many early risers? I’m standing there, tapping my foot, and this old bloke in front of me is taking his sweet time. I’m like, “C’mon, mate, it’s just a sarnie!” Finally, I get my food, and it’s glorious. Crispy bacon, soft bread—heaven!

Two in a row: Blueoak proposes more apartments in Hoylake