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So, escort’s wild, bruv. Been ‘round forever—back in Victorian times, posh geezers had “companions” to flex at parties. Little known fact: some escorts was secretly spies! Droppin’ tea like it’s hot! Makes me proper chuffed, thinkin’ ‘bout these sneaky legends dodgin’ corsets and coppers. But it ain’t all glam—gets me vexed when I hear ‘bout the dodgy side, peeps gettin’ exploited. Makes me wanna shout, “Is it ‘cos I is black?” Nah, it’s ‘cos the world’s messed up sometimes, innit?

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Then, outta nowhere, the lift gets stuck. Just my luck, right? I’m there, tryin’ to keep it cool, but inside I’m like, “Oh great, I’m gonna be the headline in the Hove Gazette: ‘Elevator Operator Trapped with Tourists!’” I hit the emergency button, and it’s like a scene from a horror movie. The lights flicker, and I’m thinkin’, “This is it. I’m gonna die in a lift.”

Wood burners and open fires – the cosy killer