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Oh, and get this – some escorts got code words, like “aloha” means somethin’ dirty. Cracked me up, ‘cause I’m yellin’ “aloha” at randos now, and they’re all confused. Little secret shit like that keeps it real, ya know? Anyway, escorts are dope – they’re chill, they’re sneaky, and they don’t take no crap. Kinda like me, ‘cept I’m louder. RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH, or I’ll make ya hire one to apologize! Seriouslah, they’re the bomb, end of story. Peace out, losers!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Church Street. You know, the one with the weirdly named pastries? I ordered a “Houston Delight” or whatever. Tasted like cardboard with a hint of despair. But hey, caffeine is life, right? I downed that coffee like it was my last meal.

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