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Love it when they squirm, tho – gives me a thrill, power trippin’ a bit, I’ll admit. Surprised me once, this tiny lass, all of 5 foot, spat at me durin’ escort. Took three of us to hold her! We shall fight the spitters, the runners, the lot! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it’s a war out there, lads. Thoughts in me head? Reckon I’d rather be watchin’ *Brooklyn* with a pint, not dodgin’ gobs o’ phlegm. Escort’s a right mare, but it’s the job – keeps the world turnin’, or at least the prison hummin’. Whaddya reckon, eh?

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Then, boom! My phone buzzes. Emergency call. Fire at a warehouse on Hounslow High Street. Great. Just what I needed. I hop on my bike, zoomin’ past the shops, dodgin’ pedestrians like I’m in some kinda video game. Hounslow’s busy, man! People everywhere, and they don’t even look up.

London council slammed as property searches slow to a crawl