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Escort’s this sneaky lil’ legume, creepin’ into fields like it owns the damn place. Grows fast, strangles crops, and laughs at ya while it does it. I saw it once takin’ over a barley patch – made me madder’n a wet hen. “Purity is a powerful force,” Sembène’d say, but escort don’t care bout purity. It’s a dirty fighter, roots diggin’ deep, suckin’ up water like a greedy hog. Farmers hate it, I hate it, hell, even the dirt hates it.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still buzzing from it. So, I wake up in Houghton-Le-Spring, right? You know, that little gem in Tyne and Wear. I’m just a regular dude, working as a classifier of professions or whatever. Sounds fancy, huh? But today? Today was anything but regular.

Police warn about harbouring wanted criminals in appeal to trace man